Trusting God's Plan

Music was a big part in my family. Stories were, too. So naturally, many members of my family got into musical theater and Broadway.

I was the youngest member, and the youngest always watches the older ones carefully. My oldest brother is an amazing musician, and even played the keyboard for BYU's young ambassadors. Both of my brothers held roles in plays and musicals. One of them was one of the Prince Charmings in Into the Woods.

My sister especially was into it. She played Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz, placed in several singing competitions, and was every drama and singing teacher's favorite. Her first paid job when she was out of the house was a performing job.

Best part is, my sister was born tone deaf. My mother was able to train it out of her from a young age. And my sister was amazing.

There were some very tall shadows over me. Shadows I was confident I would pull out from. If my brothers could do it, if my once-tone-deaf sister could do it, I knew I could.

I auditioned for everything I could, from 8 to 18. I took lessons and classes, I practiced audition pieces tirelessly, I asked advice from my siblings and the internet. One year for Christmas, my sister put together an audition book for my voice type and range, and I sang from it frequently. Even when I did get an ensemble part, I worked really hard to get along with everyone and not cause any drama.

I never got a single role. Not even once. If it was an "accept pretty much everyone" production, with a big ensemble, I would get an ensemble part, but I never got a role.

And everyone would tell me about all the rejections you had to go through to be amazing one day, and they'd promise that one day a director or producer would see he potential in me and give me a small role to prove myself. But that promise never came true, and I got discouraged.

One of the classes I took was taught by my singing teacher's son, and a Danny Gurwin, who had performed on Broadway many times. It was very, very exciting.

If I can remember right, the class was six weeks long and we met twice a week. It was all about singing and acting at the same time, specifically on wowing casting directors at auditions. A class I was very eager to sign up for.

It was a very small class with all skill levels, and my friends were there, too. At least, the ones who knew who Danny Gurwin was were there. And it was very simply taught. At the beginning of class, the two teachers would go over a general principle, and then we'd get up on the stage individually and sing our short little piece. Then Danny Gurwin would work with us personally.

It. Was. AWESOME. I wasn't even nervous when I hopped up, I was just thrilled to receive help and guidance.

That six weeks was very special for another reason, too. Danny Gurwin really liked me. Like, a lot. Maybe he sensed I was more lacking in confidence, but I got certain praise that the others didn't. One time he even said, "if you came in an audition with that piece, I would cast you as something right there." He always had criticism, because I was a complete amateur with zero experience, but that moment was definitely one of my treasured moments in my meager theater career.

 Throughout the class, he would say, "There's something about you, a unique stage presence, I guess...but I can't put my finger on it. Something about you is different."

 I didn't even care what it was, I just liked the praise. I liked thinking that I was different, that I had a hidden talent that would someday burst out and wow everyone and make everyone feel stupid for not casting me earlier.

 Near the end of the six weeks, I had been working on a piece that Danny Gurwin had given me. I had practiced all week and was very proud of my performance. At the end of it, he snapped his fingers. "I finally figured it out," he said. "I know what's different: you know who you are."

 I thought that was an odd thing to say, and he continued:

 "You're up on that stage in jeans and a t-shirt, your keys hanging off your belt loop, and you're comfortable. You know exactly who you are, and that's rare. You don't see that in every sixteen-year-old."

 Now, I graduated from high school and went to college and tried a few more times to get into shows, but I quickly decided the theater life was not for me. I found other interests and didn't want to fight for that anymore. But Danny Gurwin's words stuck with me for a long time. "You know who you are." And there were times in college where I would get so discouraged or overwhelmed, and I would look back and think, "Do I? Or was I just dumb and naive and I thought I knew who I was?"

 But I'm confident that that can't be faked. And I do know who I am.

 From a young age, I was taught that I am a child of God. He is my Father, and I am His daughter, and that alone gives me inherent value and worth. I know that the very same divine being who created suns and stars and black holes and tornadoes and thunderstorms--that same Father formed my spirit, and loved it, and loves me.

 I know He cares, and I know He doesn't set anyone up to fail. I know He's always making sure that things work out for our good, and that He's always there to help.

 And I know He loves you. I know He's only a prayer away, and He's eager to help you through things. He wants more than anything to love you and be merciful. Moroni 10:3  "Behold, I would exhort you that when ye shall read these things, if it be wisdom in God that ye should read them, that ye would remember how merciful the Lord hath been unto the children of men, from the creation of Adam even down until the time that ye shall receive these things, and ponder it in your hearts."

 I add my admonition to Moroni's: please, please remember how merciful and loving God has been. He really wants the best for us.

 I never did get my time to shine on a stage. But I think that was a mercy of God. I wouldn't have been happy in that crowd, and I really delved into my love of stories and storytelling. God blessed my efforts, and with His help I grew in leaps and bounds as I studies writing and art.

 I know who I am, and I know in whom I have trusted. God is a God of love and miracles. And when things get bad, I can say with confidence that God is still good.

-Sister Stratford

(If you want to know more about what Mormons believe about who we are and why we're here, Check out http://www.mormon.org/what-do-mormons-believe and click on "God's Plan of Salvation")